Thoughts from the desk of Houghton 215

I really would appreciate those 20* back that were stolen from Chicago yesterday. Right now I should probably be bundling up to head out through the cold streets of the Chi to a currently strictly enforced dress-code at my workplace. HOWEVER I have no desire to get out in the cold nor a desire to change out of my sweatpants and hoodie, so I sit all the longer at my currently cluttered desk. Oh the joys of a Monday afternoon in the life of a college student.

Two weekends ago was Sunshine's Winter Retreat. Six of us leaders ventured out with about 25 of our 7-11 year olds. We packed into three vans and landed in a snowy Allegan, MI at camp Beechpoint. The weekend consisted of some sleeding, lots of relays and games in the gym, some chapel time, a movie, and all too little sleep. Our theme for the weekend was "Facing the Giants." Saturday night we split into small groups and were able to discuss with the kids what the giants in their lives were and how they could conquer those. One of my greatest joys came as one of the little girls I spend time with on a regular basis was able to share her faith to another girl. The gospel is alive an active!! How encouraging it was to see seeds that have been planted begin to bear fruit!! Praise the Lord!

This past weekend, two of my closest friends, Kelsey, and Kira and I headed up to a retreat in Wisconsin. We were asked by a church to do some babysitting for them during their sessions. How exciting it was to find out that we actually were staying in a place much like a hotel. We took bubblebaths and watched movies and had some fun girl time. Much needed... :) While we were there, I stepped back and observed the family structure of many of the people there. The majority of the ppl I was around were young couples, often with their first child. Many of them were multi-ethnic relationships. It was really neat to see from the outside the dynamics of that play out. My friends and I were in charge of the lil rascals, 3 yrs and under. It just made me wonder what kind of mom I'll be like someday. I've been blessed to be able to watch some amazing parenting skills in the last few years and I can only hope that my future husband and I will be able to imitate even a fraction of those.

This weekend I'm going home. It seems like I haven't been home forever, though it was only Christmas Break. Either way, I miss my family and my lil nephews. One of them just turned six and about an hour before his bday party he asked his mom, "Is aunt Brittney going to be here?" She had to tell him no and he was upset. Oh I love that little guy. We'll get our fun in soon D-man!

Today I had a really encouraging talk with a few of my ladies. The subject?: the rarely talked about subject of males :) As I've journeyed along in this whole process of dating, I've hit some bumps, had some highs and lows, and figured a lot out... though I'm so far from getting a grasp on it (obviously). At this point in my life, I've developed such a contentment in the Lord. Yet, thinking about my future I can't help but wonder... will a man and a family someday be part of my life? I pray the answer is yes, but who knows!! One of my friends reminded me of a statement I used to hold fast to, yet had forgotten about recently. As we were discussing a certain boy and wondering if he was "the one," she said, "Brittney, you've always told me that if it's not him, get excited because the Lord has one that's even better out there!" Talk about needing to take some of your own medicine! Its so true though. It's so easy to get caught up on one person... he's so perfect, or he has it all, or whatever goofy cliches come up. Yet, I know that God has prepared for me, an amazing man that is perfect just for me. So, if this one isn't it, the true one will even one up this one! It definitely takes the weight off my shoulders, or my mind in this case. Just waitin' for the top notch guy, and until then, I'm making sure I'm in love with a Higher Love!

"A woman's heart should be so lost in the heart of God that a man must seek God to find it."

Bright Pink Blush

This Holiday Season was great. I spent lots of time with those I love. My nephews and I have had fun experimenting with the new Wii and cuddling up for Disney Channel movies. Thrown in there is hangin out with my Elkhart friends (God bless ya :) ), lots of girl time with my mom, and even a little reunion at the Cove.

For New Years, our family drove up to Grand Rapids to see my grandparents and uncle that was visiting from San Diego. Between my goofy brothers, energy-filled nephews, and I, we usually can thrown a pretty good party. By a Rost party of course I mean eating and a football game. The day usually consists of a big meal and then the big separation... the men crash in the living room for the big Michigan game and the girls sit, talk, and drink coffee. A piece of mom's pie after the food has settled makes the holiday complete.

This year my grandma really struggled. She has alzheimers and its really beginning to show. As I sat and held her hand she knew it was me... she asked questions that were relevant... though she asked them a few times that afternoon. Yet, she just couldn't get the name thing down. For the day I was Gillian, my 9 year old cousin in Cali. I sat looking at her fragile figure and knew that it would do no good to correct. She sipped her coffee, ate the little cookie that should have been passed by because of her diabetes, and looked at me, holding intently onto every word I said. My grandma is so beautiful, so elegant and pretty to spite the wrinkles. She still holds so tightly to her personal appearance, making me laugh as she asks me to curl her hair or do her makeup. That bright pink blush on her cheeks always sits right on the ends of her smile. I still remember growing up how we used to take our bubble baths at night then sit at the dinning room table in robes (usually I had to borrow moms) sipping tea (which I faked that I liked just so I could share that moment). I can still remember the smell of their house as I grew up. All the way up in Elpena, Michigan, that was my favorite lakehouse to visit. All these memories went through my head as I sat with her this New Years Day, and it didn't matter that she didn't call me Britty like normal. I saw my Pops (Gpa) walk up to her and she grabbed his hand, as if they were new lovers, holding hands for the first time. Her love overflows and its so sad to see a disease morph her into someone I dont know and eventually turn me into someone she doesn't know. I don't understand things like this, and I know I probably never will. I just pray my grandma is happy, whether that be from holding my grandpa's hand, sneaking that cookie, or the bright pink blush. I love that bright pink blush.

Christmastime

Last night we had a Christmas Party with three of my favorite little girls- Nya-Surah, Jahara, and Miya. I met these girls last winter, on a Sunshine retreat, had them in my cabin this summer, and this semester I have been able to spend time quite a bit of time with them. They live a few blocks over, in Cabrini Green. I can't tell you how much joy these girls give me.

We took them to dinner last night and my little Miya, (the littlest one in the blue coat) was so funny. Though she shouldn't have been makin fun of a certain boy that was putting on a show in the SDR, her little personality cracks me up. I couldn't stop laughing at her.

As I held their hands and walked them home, I just soaked up their love and gave them as much

of mine as I could. These little beauties are world changers, they've sure changed mine. Merry Christmas girls!

The World of the South Side

This article was written about Woodlawn, the neighborhood that Sunshine is located in...

Killings shed light on rift
Woodlawn, U. of C. have had ups, downs through the years
Dawn Turner Trice
December 3, 2007

If you want to know more about the tension that still exists between the Woodlawn community and its neighbor to the north, the venerable University of Chicago, you need only look at two murders that recently brought attention to the Woodlawn community.

Helen Latimore and Jeane Clark, two longtime Woodlawn residents, believe the killings speak volumes.

I'm referring to the shooting death of the University of Chicago doctoral student who was gunned down not far from his off-campus Woodlawn apartment in the 6100 block of South Ellis Avenue on the edge of the university; and the murder of a 21-year-old woman whose charred body was found in a dumpster in the 6100 block of South Prairie Avenue. You probably have heard the name, Amadou Cisse.

Memorialized on Friday, Cisse was the 28-year-old Sengalese student who had just successfully defended his doctoral thesis in chemistry. You may be less familiar with the name Theresa Bunn. She was a graduate of Englewood High School and was about to have a baby.

Clark believes that if Bunn had been a university student, her murder would have gotten far more attention.

"There are murders over here that you hardly hear about," said Clark, who lives not far from where Bunn's body was found. "It's not only about [Bunn]. What about the other lady [Hazel Lewis, 52] found burned to death on 50th and Cottage Grove?"

And that's kind of at the heart of the schism that, after decades, remains between the university and some community residents: The feeling that if you live outside the university's footprint, or if you aren't affiliated with the university, then you don't have the same worth as the students and faculty members right across the street.

After Cisse's death, the university responded in the way it often does when a student is victimized. Police presence was stepped up. Students were reminded to be aware of their surroundings and to make the most of shuttle services and the emergency phones around campus.

Latimore said her neighbors responded in the way they often do when there's a violent crime on campus.

"Your heart goes out for the victim, but you say to yourself: 'Lord, please don't let [the assailant] be one of our children,'" said Latimore, 65, who lives a block away from where Cisse was killed. She lives in a lovely townhouse her mother bought in 1950.

Latimore said the anxiety is immediate, and then comes the fear that the divide between the university and the community will deepen. She said that it wasn't until residents saw the non-Woodlawn addresses of the teenage boys arrested in a string of recent violent campus attacks, "that we could really start to mourn for Cisse. That's a sad commentary, but it's true.

"Perhaps that's what happens when you're old enough to have seen Woodlawn at its best and its worst, and you're trying to restore it to better times. You know that anything at any moment can upset all the hard work.

"Some days you can hardly walk down the street, past the store that sells loose cigarettes, the other store that only sells through a fiberglass window with a hole in it," Clark said.

Her two-flat, which sits in the well-tended 6100 block of Rhodes Avenue, has been in the family since 1942. She remembers when Woodlawn's residents had several full-service grocery stores in the heart of the community rather than only gas station mini-marts, which they have now.

By the late 1950s on Clark's block, black doctors, lawyers and judges lived side by side. Lorraine Hansberry, the late playwright who wrote "A Raisin in the Sun," and her family lived a few doors down.

"So when the community started to deteriorate and the city wouldn't clean our streets, we swept them ourselves," Clark told me as we sat with other residents in Sunrise Gospel Ministries' new state-of-the-art community center at 61st Street and Rhodes Avenue. "When the lights burned out, we called and called until the city replaced the bulbs. When people started hanging out in abandoned buildings, we pleaded with the city to board them up or tear them down.

"Today there are pockets of progress around Woodlawn. New developments are planned on some vacant lots. Older residents encourage newer residents to rein in their children. Vandalism and loitering are reported immediately. Residents also have begun youth programs and opened youth centers to give young people alternatives to joining gangs and hanging out.

Residents say it was tragic that Cisse lost his life; but equally tragic that such young people may have been involved.

The fight is a tough one. And that's true even though the university in recent years has tried to be a better neighbor by investing $70 million in housing initiatives, jobs programs and public education/charter schools.

For some, it hasn't been enough to lessen the resentment.

"People still see the university as harboring dreams of taking over our property," Latimore said. "Of waiting until Woodlawn is in such disrepair that all they have to do is swoop down and take it over.

"It didn't help that a few years ago the university hired a planning consultant that recommended the university expand south of 61st Street, which it has long said it wouldn't do. University officials quickly nixed the idea. But not before it reignited the suspicions and the mistrust among some Woodlawn residents.

In a fragile situation such as this almost anything can. Nothing happens without some reverberation, including the sad, sad deaths of two young people -- and too many others, Woodlawn residents say, we'll never hear much about -- who weren't allowed to live out their promise.

Ramblings

It is entirely too late for me to be sitting at my desk on my computer, let alone BLOGGING! But here I am. There's lots on my mind tonight.

Drama, drama, drama. I really hate it. Cummon girls. Get over it. (Long sigh) For this reason I dislike females. Why must there be the moodswings and emotional rollercoasters?! They drive me nuts. Yes, I'm a female and yes I feel those things, but you have to learn to CONTROL YOURSELF. Once again all I can say is... Cummon now.

I've actually accomplished quite a bit in the last few days. Late night energy kicks always are the best. I wrote 6 pgs of my big research paper two nights ago between 11 and 1!!

I cannot begin to write about how refreshed I get every Wednesday. Heading down to Sunshine is my favorite part of the week. Those hugs and shouts I get as I step in the the SGM building just fill me up. I love those kids so much. They are my such a big part of me now, I absolutely cannot wait until the ARE my life.

I read a book last weekend called Our America. Two boys, LeAlan Jones and Lloyd Newman, from the South Side of Chicago (Where Sunshine is located) were chosen in the 90s to do a bit of a journalism piece on their lives in and surrounding the Ida B. Wells housing projects. These boys interviewed and talked about their daily occurances and it was put on National Public Radio. It was a big hit. Then as years progressed they continued their stories, including their accounts of the death of Eric Morse, a a5 year old who was dropped to his death off the 14 story of one of the projects by two other little boys. Its a crazy world and they are bluntly open about it, trying to make their voices known. I have thought about it a lot over the past week. The lives these kids encounter are wild. Then today while I was reading to a little girl that I've developed quiet a good relationship with, she randomly asked me if I had ever heard of the little boy that was dropped off the Ida Bees. I told hear yeah and that I had actually just read a book dealing with it. To our suprise, she has been reading Our America in school and one of the authors, LeAlan Jones, actually visits her school regularly. To hear her take on the book was reassuring (she couldnt believe that people had cockroach infested apartments) but also very eye opening. She told me that though theres different stuff goin on in the book, its a lot like her world. If you read that book, your heart would sink at that thought.

Lord,
I love those kids more than words can express. Please protect them and draw them near. Don't let go.

Steppin' Back

Hey to my girls I'm connecting with through this blog!! Miss you.

Life has been crazy lately. I think its the December curse for all college students! Lots of projects and papers, hours and hours at Gap, friends just turning up the drama notch to full throttle, plus all the general hustle and bustle of the Holidays! For some reason, this remains my favorite time of year, though lately I've been asking myself why?! I guess I can't put aside how much I love the Christmas lights hanging in my dorm and the mariah carey christmas playing in the background right now, or the cocoa and reading of Luke 2 that my roomate and I enjoy at night.

I get frustrated at how much I get distracted in this season. It seems to happen year after year. There's tests to take, presents to buy, the thought of a holiday love, and many other things that fight so hard for my attention. No wonder I feel like my relationship with Christ isn't on fire when I'd rather finish that paper tonight than spend some extra time with Him. I had to take a step back last night and evaluate it all. I don't want this season to go by again with my King on the sidelines. My heart isn't full, because it's full of all the wrong things. It's time to straighten this all out. One of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis sums this all up...

"The Christian way is different: harder and easier. Christ says, 'GIVE ME ALL. I dont' want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I WANT YOU. I have not come to torment your natural self, but TO KILL IT. No half-measures are any good. I dont' want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I WANT TO HAVE THE WHOLE TREE DOWN. i dont want to drill the tooth, or crown it, or stop it, but TO HAVE IT OUT. Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the ones you think wicked--the whole outfit. I will give you a newself instead. In fact, I will give you MYSELF: MY OWN WILL BECOME YOURS.'"